That’s right ladies and gents, Blondie McFabulous has a boyfriend and in a week’s time, she’ll no longer have a blog.
I started this blog many moons ago, when I was a very very single girl and I had just been humiliated and very nearly reduced to tears by a nasty little slimeball of a man and MY GOD I needed to vent so badly I actually started a blog so I could do it.
But he wasn’t the only slimeball, in the years that followed there were innumerable other slimeballs and dickheads and let-downs and disappointments and downright evil bastards and I blogged my way through disappointing date after disappointing date, accidental drunken mistakes and deliberate sober mistakes and on more than one occasion I blogged with tears in my eyes wondering WHEN, GOD, WHEN will I find a decent man in this fucked up little world who doesn’t think I’m a sex doll instead of a human being?!
I looked on dating sites, I looked in bars, I scoured friends of friends, I eyed up strangers on the tube, I made the dreadful mistake of looking at work and then in a fit of desperation when I’d all but given up hope, I went on a reality TV dating show… and that’s where I found him. The most wonderful man in the world. He exists, ladies; and he’s mine.
I know I haven’t really blogged since the whole ‘you’re overwhelming’ thing and I really could have done because my god there’s been a hell of a lot to talk about but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. The PM is not just a guy I’m dating, I can’t reduce our outings to a series of hilarious anecdotes, all I’d be doing if I blogged about our relationship is gushing hopelessly about how happy I am. Don’t get me wrong there have been stumbling blocks and there still are some (not least the Jewish thing – amongst me and my SATC girlfriends, I’ve always been ‘The Charlotte’ and I’ve officially cemented myself in that position with this one…..but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it….)
Getting to this point really hasn’t been the easy ride that I thought it might be, it’s become apparent that I’m still riddled with issues that are rather more deeply ingrained than I ever realised they were. My favourite way to describe it is that every new stage in this relationship has been like a hedge across an unbeaten track and whilst I’m stamping down the weeds to make my new path, every now and then I encounter a great hedge blocking my way, when I could either give up, turn round and go back, never knowing what wonderful things might be on the other side, or I could dive head first through it, scramble over it, wriggle under it and while it might be tough to get past it, what I find on the other side is a whole new world of wonderful that I could never have imagined was there before.
I was scared of losing my singledom, I was scared of not having time to be with my friends, I was (and still am) scared of letting down my defences – to the point that I’ve had a series of horribly vivid panic dreams about The PM being a bastard and hurting me….after years of being a formidable single woman, entering in to a relationship is scary stuff but I can’t tell you how glad I am that I scrambled through those hedges because it’s AMAZING on the other side.
And then we come to the issue of the blog. I always imagined that I’d carry on blogging through whichever relationships came my way but a single girl’s blog and a happily loved up girl’s blog are rather different and one is far more interesting than the other…
I’m at the point now where I can’t bear to lie to The PM and I can’t hide my twitter account and my blog without feeling like I’m being deceitful and that’s just not how I roll.
Also, the blog has served it’s purpose. It was here to document the adventures of a single girl in her search for a good man and she’s found him… and so it’s time to say good night.
The twitter account will obviously still remain and there may even be a new blog, a more generic sort of blog, less ‘my life’ more ‘one’s life’, I might become a guest poster on other people’s blogs…I’ll find a way to keep writing but it won’t be about my boyfriend. As wonderful as he is, as much as I could write an essay every day on how completely divine he is, I won’t be writing it here. I don’t think it’s fair on him, I’d hate for him to find it and risk jeopardising our relationship and frankly the priority right now is KEEP THE AMAZING MAN. DO NOT LET THE AMAZING MAN GO. HE MIGHT BE THE ONLY ONE.
So I’m bowing out.
Blondie’s blog is no more.
Blondie’s search for a good man is over.
In a week’s time the blog will be coming down, saved as ‘draft’ forever more. Read and comment while you can my lovelies.
For the final time dear readers, I am yours, enormously happy,
B McF x